kembali

dengan dentuman tarian kecak yang ber-arak
dalam  jubah2 yang terkoyak2
kali ini semesta telah benar2 berusaha menelanjangi
dan memahat pori2 tubuhku
yang menghitam akibat jelaga nafsu..

dibalik belukar sendu
dan duri2 bertopeng dunia

aku kembali

menengadahkan kepalaku
mencoba bernafas
meski setengah tubuhku hilang tenggelam
dan terserak berai...

aku kembali
aku kembali
aku kembali

ah sudahlah...

terkadang kita menjebak diri kita sendiri dalam pusaran duniawi
ketika ratusan rayuan gombal dari para pelacur2 dunia menawarkan
kerlingan batu berharga dengan janji2 duduk manis diatasnya
dan tanpa kita sadari pusaran itu telah menghisap seluruh jengkal
tubuh, keringat dan jati diri kita...
meninggalkan kita telanjang bulat
hanya terbalutkan sehelai ragu dan sejumput sakit yang menggigit
berlapis2 kulit kepala di atas kita
dan meninggalkan kita dengan lengan terikat janji
dan kaki terpasung harga diri
dengan lumuran tanggung jawab di wajah kita yang nyaris terkujur kaku
termakan renta norma2 dunia..
ahh... sudahlah...
dan saat ini .... keringat yang tersisa dari pundukku yang kaku
hanya bisa meninggalkan bau
dan berharap, setelah semua ini terlewati...
akankah aku masih bertahan menatap wajahku sendiri...
ah.. sudahlah...

suatu ketika

Ketika kita hilang diantara bayangan kahyangan
bersembunyi dibalik keinginan
dan bersemayam didalam kuburan-kuburan harapan
ketika kita hilang dalam ribaan pelukan
dan tergerai dibalik tirai-tirai mimpi2 masa depan

dan ketika kita tiba-tiba terbangun
dalam balutan kain kafan kenyataan...
sendiri.. sunyi.. dalam kehampaan...

2010 fatcs

i just realized that almost all of my 2010 wish list have came true...
thank u god
....
hello 2011

rindu tak kesampaian

seperti rindu aku pada matahari
pada dingin ilalang
pada desiran embun ketika subuh membuka mata
dan ketika riuh suara hening menghentak bumi
getarnya halus,.. membelai jernih masuk sampai keulu hati


ah,... mengupasnya membuat mata ini perih
bahkan lidahku pun tak sanggup menepi

wangi kesturi kulit mu
lembutnya hujan di matamu
silaunya sapuan derai tawamu

begitu dalamnya duniaku tentangmu

kau tau ?, ..
hari ini hujan muram dibalik terik
aku meringkuk haus diujung dipanku yang sunyi
pintuku pun tak sejentikpun kau reguk

kau tau ?,..
bumi berwarna biru kemarau hari ini
tak sepenggal air menetes diatasnya

telah habis ia mengalir
merangkak dalam tangisanku yang durja
meratap habis dalam palung palung hatiku yang mendadak hampa

membayangkan ratusan mil tergerai
dan puluhan surga kemarin yang mendadak membuat nafasku sesak

kau tau ?..
hari ini aku maratap puluhan tembok putih yang berlumut
berharap masih ada untaian cerita yang akan bersambut dibaliknya
dan memecah kaca-kaca yang tersekat pekat diantara kita

kau..

sedang apakah kau disana?
samar-samar tertawa kah kau disana?
siapakah yang bersembunyi dibalik cadar mimpimu tadi malam?
masih kau simpan aku kah disana ?
rindu kah kau akan duri di jemariku ?
masih kah kau simpan aku dibalik kelopakmu?

kau tau ?
mereka menghantuiku seperti malam menghantui siang..
siang dan malam, malam dan siang...dan terus bergantian

kau..
sedang apakah kau disana?




*setelah sekian lama kerongkongan ini tercekat, akhirnya aku kembali memuntahkan karya :)

grateful

I wake up this morning and inspired:..
" we couldnt never get enough of TIME, LOVE, MONEY and our selves,... but Gratitude IS the one small thing that will make us stop.." after i wrote this note...the second thought come to mind is.., okay im going to write down at least 10 things that i am grateful off today.... here are the chronological process in my mind when im processing it in tweeter mode :D

tryin to write 10 thing i am grateful of , ah this should be easy..
i'm tryin to be honest here...
am i grateful for the air and being alive? ah not really,.. i hardly notice my air, being alive ? geez i dont mind being alive but i dont mind being dead either hehehe...
but i love my mr.sun so im going to be grateful for his existence.., okay one...
two,..  i'm listening to this funny morning program on one of local radio station, laughing.. really make my day...
three, ... okay, i woke up healthy, two weeks ago i got typhoid so two weeks ago i woke up in agony of fever being unable to eat.. i love being healthy..
four,.. hmm okay this strarts getting tougher..  well i love my bed sooo much in Bali.. thank god for my comfy bed and comfy pillow ..
five, .. well i feel content, i got everything i need fulfilled..
six, tryin to smile even in rainy days....
seven,.... i couldnt think another thing to be grateful of.. honestly....

so ask all my friend,.. what kind of stuff they are mostly be grateful of this morning..

i just realized how often i was being grateful in the morning...

hardly...

 

 

waktunya istirahat

menapak kaki bersambut bulan
menjejak napas dan bersembunyi dibalik keributan
menghela esok
terikat belati dibelakang kemarau masa lalu
aku letih mengais mimpi
sumpah.. aku letih..
tak bisakah oh wahai penggeliat nafs
peradu kasih ku..
tak bisakah kau biarkan aku istirahat??
terdiam disudut dingin ku yang kosong
berbalut kafan dengan secarik kertas kosong
ohh... tak bisakah kau biarkan aku beristirahat
sebentaarrr saja...
dan dengan pasrah membiarkan kertas buram ku diperawani pena putih ?
tak bisa kah ?
please??

kingdom of you

i'm building my kingdom of you
within me..
summon all your kings
they shall depraved in silence
upon side of my dying tree
with their famish laughter of yesterday death
and tomorrow grieve

i will not let any cloud resting
nor any wind whispering
i will let thee
perishing..

my ocean shall be green and the foot sand shall be blue
the sky will be pink with a stroke of blue

and no thoughts can touch it
and no voice can chant it

i will let thee
be free.. from my own, them, us, ...
you see...
in my kingdom of you is free..

even from the reality of you..

happiness part 2

and da saga continue...
another chapter of "seeking the true meaning of Happiness..)

Michael Argyle developed the Oxford Happiness Questionnaire^[11] as a broad measure of psychological well-being. This has been criticized as an aggregate of self-esteem, sense of purpose, social interest and kindness, sense of humor and aesthetic appreciation.
Though it may be impossible to achieve any comprehensive measure of happiness objectively, some physiological correlates to happiness can be measured through a variety of techniques. Stefan Klein, in his book The Science of Happiness, links the dynamics of neurobiological systems (i.e., dopaminergic, opiate) to the concepts and findings of positive psychology and social psychology

happiness

What is happines??  
un-defined... and TOTALLY subjective matter..
cannot be measured.. therefore it's blissfully tangible ... 


Synonyms: ( from http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/happiness )
1, 2. pleasure, joy, exhilaration, bliss, contentedness, delight, enjoyment, satisfaction. Happiness, bliss, contentment, felicity imply an active or passive state of pleasure or pleasurable satisfaction. Happiness results from the possession or attainment of what one considers good: the happiness of visiting one's family. ( this is a total bollocks, why in the world we would seek happiness else where but our selves ?? why human always put happiness in attainment of goods outside them selves....ridiculous! )  Bliss is unalloyed happiness or supreme delight: the bliss of perfect companionship. Contentment is a peaceful kind of happiness in which one rests without desires, even though every wish may not have been gratified: contentment in one's surroundings. Felicity is a formal word for happiness of an especially fortunate or intense kind: to wish a young couple felicity in life.( arghhh.... now you connected happiness to felicity - free from suffering ?? with fortune ?? happiness is beyond those stuff..., happiness is when u no longer need felicity nor fortune,.. wassup with ya people ?? )

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Happiness

Happiness is a state of mind or feeling characterized by contentment, love, satisfaction, pleasure, or joy.^[1]
Philosophers and religious thinkers often define happiness in terms of living a good life, or flourishing, rather than simply as an emotion. Happiness in this older sense was used to translate the Greek Eudaimonia, and is still used in virtue ethics.
Happiness forms a central theme of Buddhist teachings. For ultimate freedom from suffering
In Catholicism, the ultimate end of human existence consists in felicity (Latin equivalent to the Greek eudaimonia), or "blessed happiness", described by the thirteenth-century philosopher-theologian Thomas Aquinas as a Beatific Vision of God's essence in the next life
in the Nicomachean Ethics, written in 350 B.C.E., Aristotle stated that happiness (also being well and doing well) is the only thing that humans desire for its own sake, unlike riches, honor, health or friendship. He observed that men sought riches, or honor, or health not only for their own sake but also in order to be happy. Note that eudaimonia, the term we translate as "happiness", is for Aristotle an activity rather than an emotion or a state.

so what is happiness anyway? why its so important for us to find or define or seek one true happiness?? cant we just erase it from human vocabulary, it might will make our life more simple in a way...

laugh while you can..

ha ha ha hi hi hi ho ho ho... laugh while you can, put the cruelty behind those smiles. i love to see your cheeks move up, just forget about the world and it's drama. the stage is too full of actors and actress who pretend to be kings and queens of this world. laugh while you can, the drapes can close anytime. when the show ends, the only thing you can hope is that you have laughed enough.

-priya prameshi