aku ingin

WHAT exactly that i want?


aku ingin segenggam bahagia dengan sejumput rempah-rempah kesendirian
dalam pundi-pundi semesta,yang berdentang
resah menyambut liukan penari bercadar kasih pada matanya..
tak bisakah ia kembai melihat?

aku ingin ia, kesturi yang kuhirup dari ujung sendiku yang meringkih tua
aku ingin ia, panas serdadu nafsu dengan panah2 keakuan berderak gemulai
aku ingn ia, juntai lemas air suci pembabtis para pendosa
aku ingin ia, mereka dan semua.

meratap senja
mengadu sunyi
menangis riuh

lalu melesap hilang diantara tanah yang berjelaga.

aku ingin hilang.
tanpa merasa, hanya bergerak menuju ia
dengan tatapan pada ujung lirik
dengan tangannya yang mengkilat dan sejuk, menunggu diujung sana
siap merengkuh tanganku yang telah kotor bermain dunia
tanpa makna, tanpa maksud, hanya menanti..
lalu perlahan aku merapatkan jariku pada kepalnya
dan ia merengkuhku dengan segenap jiwa yang tersingkap dari balik jubahnya
dengan senyum dan tawa
lalu kami berjalan bersama
meniti gurun kering yang bermandiakn oase syurga
sampai kau ihat diujung sana.?
titik kami akan menghilang dibalik fatamorgana.

G.01

kau dengar itu?
geliatan takdir berdengung menggema
hanya kali ini bukan gaung yang terngiang
berdiri diantaranya satu wajah nyawa bergelanyut, bergantung, bertapa
diantara hembusan rasa yang menyapu lembut penjuru dada
memenuhi setiap are yang tersisa..
bahkan ketika kosong pun yang terbersit hawa nafasnya..
sial ..
ia berhasil menyublim sejumput amarah dengan ratusan mimpi indah
menjadi sejuntai benang merah menganga...
berusaha mengikat kelingkingku dengan segenggam luka lama
lagi-lagi aku sial..

akhirnya
setelah sekian lama
aku jatuh juga..
dengan kepak sayap rapuh
pada saat aku berfikir untuk berlabuh..
ia hanyut terbawa perahu yang meratap jauh...

sial..

no more

i will give up waiting
no more waiting
no more waiting
no more waiting

its time to moving on
evolving
transcending

no more you
fake promises
lies and more lies

no more
no more
no more

everything you do

I love the way you smile
When I look in your eyes
I love the way you laugh
When I try to be funny
And how a tear rolls down your face
When I say no one could
ever take your place.

And baby when you sleep
I watch you breathing
And baby when you dream
I dream with you
Cause everywhere you are is where
I wanna be
It's true everything you do
Makes me know how much I love you.

The way you touch my lips
Right after every kiss
And softly whisper
That I'm your everything
The way you pray

Our love won't die
Every night just before you
Close your eyes.

And baby when you sleep
I watch you breathing
Baby when you dream
I dream with you
Cause everywhere you are is where
I wanna be
It's true everything you do
Makes me know how much I love you.

And I believe some things are
meant to be
As sure as there is love
yours is meant for me.

Baby when you sleep
I watch you breathing
Baby when you dream
I dream with you
Cause everywhere you are is where
I wanna be
It's true everything you do
Makes me know how much
I love you..

( christian bautista )

resolution

i dont know what to do
i dont know what i want

what do i want?

i want to live
im craving for freedom
ive been indulge by sorrow too long

i want love
no,..thats a lie
im surrounded by million

i want money
only to survive

i want happiness
undefined..

i want enjoying life
only to forget

i want orgasm
ambiguity and guilt in result
not worthed..

i want bed
even bed rejected me
attachment only conceive despair

i want nothing
bollocks..

i want freedom
imprison by my self to bind

i want the truth
it will hurts, not ready, never ready..

i want trust
in hand full of lie

i want anything but my self
egoistic!!

bollocks! see? i really really dont know what i want

aching

sedated in a hand full thoughts
feels like reincarnate above million of death
dying under hundred layer image of you
shuttered in one drip of tears

i'm aching in starvation of you...

mystic kiss

i count the days that shall pass
without the second minute slips
feels like eternity in shallow sinking ship
that slowly drain in mystic kiss

remember me.
please..

now

Let me perish under your blanket of eyes

Let me return on to your rising breast of rays..

I will let you breath me within

And moved me across.. above and beyond

Uninspired me..... distilled me...

Suffer me.. i don't care..

Just be inside me

now..

a sleep out

a twist of sorrow and a pint of joy
a cup of despair and the swirl of lingering twisted mind
swinging from one mood to another and yet it still reminisce
hanging under a darken sky of faith

uplift me..from the center of my waist
unbind me..from the holocaust factory
scratching thoughts in my freaking head for zillion of century

i need a sleep out...

just a quite one

please?

just keep swimming...

im drunk

distant to sacred sky

trust me

mind nothing else

trust me

i will never let you ...you know..

drowning down

diminished in magenta night

and parish in wild ocean of hopes, thoughts and dreams..

i see your eyes now....

in Grey breeze with a tip of emtyness in it..

can i touch it?

can i kiss it?

can i keep your hand...?

underwater.. i dont care..

can i capture your smile

above surface.. i dont mind

can i just keep you lock out in my empty space

for a twist of time...

maybe just for today

maybe forever, .....

who knows..

its not only in your dream

you see..

believe me..

mirror

have you ever watch your self in the mirror lately?
and gaze deeply in to your endless eyes?
have you forgive your self lately?
and gaze lovingly into your heart?
have you heard what your self have been telling you?


void