aching

sedated in a hand full thoughts
feels like reincarnate above million of death
dying under hundred layer image of you
shuttered in one drip of tears

i'm aching in starvation of you...

mystic kiss

i count the days that shall pass
without the second minute slips
feels like eternity in shallow sinking ship
that slowly drain in mystic kiss

remember me.
please..

now

Let me perish under your blanket of eyes

Let me return on to your rising breast of rays..

I will let you breath me within

And moved me across.. above and beyond

Uninspired me..... distilled me...

Suffer me.. i don't care..

Just be inside me

now..

a sleep out

a twist of sorrow and a pint of joy
a cup of despair and the swirl of lingering twisted mind
swinging from one mood to another and yet it still reminisce
hanging under a darken sky of faith

uplift me..from the center of my waist
unbind me..from the holocaust factory
scratching thoughts in my freaking head for zillion of century

i need a sleep out...

just a quite one

please?

just keep swimming...

im drunk

distant to sacred sky

trust me

mind nothing else

trust me

i will never let you ...you know..

drowning down

diminished in magenta night

and parish in wild ocean of hopes, thoughts and dreams..

i see your eyes now....

in Grey breeze with a tip of emtyness in it..

can i touch it?

can i kiss it?

can i keep your hand...?

underwater.. i dont care..

can i capture your smile

above surface.. i dont mind

can i just keep you lock out in my empty space

for a twist of time...

maybe just for today

maybe forever, .....

who knows..

its not only in your dream

you see..

believe me..

mirror

have you ever watch your self in the mirror lately?
and gaze deeply in to your endless eyes?
have you forgive your self lately?
and gaze lovingly into your heart?
have you heard what your self have been telling you?


void

happiness so close

leave me...
i wanna eat silence for a while
and drink a jar of loneliness
under the afternoon rays of sadness
among unbearable shadows of lies
in heavenly edgeless eyes
behind million layered curtain mist of truth
under million stacked of boredom
and freedom

and maybe, ..just maybe
on those gap in concealed
between grief and regrets
vanity in veil
i ll reminisce

happiness so close
happiness so close
happiness so close
...

bisu:mute

bisu,.. aku ingin menutup rapat katup celah bersemayam lidah
dan menjahit bibir-bibir yang sudah mulai kisut
letih aku berucap...
serapah tak penting yang meracau kacau......
jengah,.. aku mendengar diriku sendiri
membabibuta, muntah serapah dengan ratusan kesombongan
bersembunyi dibalik tamborin-tamborin ke-seolahan...
capek,..

here..

here i am
depraved among trees
and lost between rays

fading...
ive lost my self
behind thin clouds
communing with million raindrops

here i am
ive bound my self
to the ground of a lucid dream
bow to the sky
humming gracefully in between
you me and everybody
he , her and them
they, ...we and mine
today, yesterday, and before...

and here i am
un-aware and confused
un-prepared
yet,.. im well prepared

between million changes that about to come....

beware..
coz here i am
i am near..
nor far
i am
here...

sumur kebahagiaan

konon, disebuah negeri antah berantah... telah ditemukan sebuah sumur takberdasar
konon, dalam sumur itu mengalir sumber-sumber kebahagiaan...
lalu,.. berbondong2 seluruh musafir dari penjuru semesta bertarawikh menuju sumur itu
dan sudi menempatkan diri mereka dalam antrian yang super panjang dibawah alunan
suling matahari yang melengking pekat
bercampur aroma nafsu yang mendesah
dan ketika hadir dihadapan mereka, seonggok susun bata berbentuk rembulan
dengan kegelapan bak secangkir kematian
dan dihiaskan dengan ramai nan cantik dengan ribuan harapan..
maka kemudian para musafir itu mulai menimba sang sumur....
semakin jauh tali mencoba menggapai... tak jua sang tempayan menapak
sampai akhirnya utasan tali itu pun habis....
beribu musafir mencoba dengan untaian yang lebih panjang, namun tak ada satu lengan pun yang mampu menggapai permukaannya...
banyak juga yang kecewa dan putus asa
yang tertawa terbahak2
yang menangis, entah bahagia tercerahkan atau keterpurukan
begitulah sang sumur sumber kebahagiaan,...
tak mungkin kita menimbanya, wong... endless kok.. walaupun tali sepanjang nyawa pun tak akan sanggup menyentuh permukaannya..
tak mungkin kita mereguknya,.. wong ndak ada isinya...
tapi banyak juga yang tertawa menjalaninya...
karena didapatinya,.. efortless... bottomless, clueless, etc....
"lucu kalo dipikir2... wong masih konon tapi dijabanin juga..., jadi kalo akhirnya ga mendapati apa2 yah.. bagaimana mau marah dan putus asa, namanya juga konon..."
ada juga yg marah2..
"sial,.. aku habis dijadikan bahan becanda ini sih... sudah ngantri, panas,.. ehh... ndak dapet apa2 juga.."
apapun tanggapan para musafir yg tertipu ini, sumur itu tetaplah "menyumur.." tetap saja tak berujung, tetap saja kosong, melompong, tetap saja bergaung...

begitulah, sumur kebahagiaan
konon,... memang ga ada isinya....
begitulah sumur kebahagiaan, bila kita timba mani-nya...
blanko,.. kita ga akan menemukan apa2....
konon....

growing up is hard to do....

where are you?

im here....

where are you?

im here...

where are you?

im here,... you just couldnt feel me..

why are you leaving?

im not..

why are you leaving?

im not....

why are you leaving?

listen,.. im not. im right here. im just growing up....
changing. evolving. moving. everything..... but im staying...

where are you?

mom....
im here....

beranjak dewasa

seorang ibu berwajah durja berdiri dipenghujung jalan setapak menuju surga
sekepak sayap malaikat mendekat, menyapa dibalik jubah putihnya yang pekat

"wahai wajah durja pejalan surga,.... apa yang membuat mu menghentikan perjalanmu?"
"anakku... aku kehilangan seorang anak lelaki-ku.... ia berhenti pulang kepada-ku, ia berhenti mendengarkan nasihat ku, ia berhenti melihat ku, ...."
"wahai wajah durja pejalan surga,... tak mungkin ia kembali pulang kepadamu, karena rumahnya adalalah semesta,.. tak mungkin ia mendengarkan nasihat mu lagi karena gurunya adalah hidupnya, tak mungkin ia kembali melihat mu lagi, karena mata-nya telah penuh dengan cahaya..."
"aku begitu kehilanganya...... ia sudah pergi meninggalkan ku..."
"wahai wajah durja pejalan surga.... buka hati mu seluas samudra... ia tidak pernah pergi, ia tidak pernah acuh, dan ia bukan buta.... sesungguhnya ia hanya beranjak dewasa...."
"tapi...."
"shhh..... ia hanya telah beranjak dewasa bukan seperti yang kau inginkan.... sesederhana itu!!.."

seorang ibu tetaplah seorang ibu,
seorang orang tua tetaplah seorang-orang tua,...
manusia tetaplah manusia,...
seorang anak tetaplah seorang anak,...
keinginan tetaplah sebuah keinginan..
pegharapan tetaplah sebuah pengharapan...
berjalanlah dijalan setapak menuju surga....
tapi jangan kau berharap menepi sampai pada pintunya
karena sebenarnya kau telah berjalan didalamnya, dibalik pintunya....
kau hanya perlu membuka mata

sex, ,love and compassion

These three things are to be taken note of: the lowest love is sex - it is physical - and the highest refinement of love is compassion. Sex is below love, compassion is above love; love is exactly in the middle.

Very few people know what love is. Ninety-nine percent of people, unfortunately, think sexuality is love - it is not. Sexuality is very animal; it certainly has the potential of growing into love, but it is not actual love, only a potential....

If you become aware and alert, meditative, then sex can be transformed into love. And if your meditativeness becomes total, absolute, love can be transformed into compassion. Sex is the seed, love is the flower, compassion is the fragrance.

Buddha has defined compassion as love plus meditation. When your love is not just a desire for the other, when your love is not only a need, when your love is a sharing, when your love is not that of a beggar but an emperor, when your love is not asking for something in return but is ready only to give - to give for the sheer joy of giving - then add meditation to it and the pure fragrance is released. That is compassion; compassion is the highest phenomenon.

Osho Zen, Zest, Zip, Zap and Zing Chapter 3

love..

delicate and yet strong

vanished when its not yet finished

masculine beneath the soften veil

demise before even reborn

rigid under the ductile shell

absent without existing

imagining through an emty void

with nothingness as my bride

and contentness as my groom

(my deepest fear of all time....)

Freedom to doubt

This is the only distinction between the dream and the real: reality allows you to doubt, and the dream does not allow you to doubt....

To me, the capacity to doubt is one of the greatest blessings to humanity.

The religions have been enemies because they have been cutting the very roots of doubt, and there is a reason why they have been doing that: because they want people to believe in certain illusions that they have been preaching....

Why have the people like Gautam Buddha been so insistent that the whole existence - except your witnessing self, except your awareness - is just ephemeral, made of the same stuff as dreams are made of? They are not saying that these trees are not there.

They are not saying that these pillars are not there.

Don't misunderstand because of the word "illusion".... It has been translated as illusion, but illusion is not the right word. Illusion does not exist. Reality exists.

Maya is just in between - it almost exists.

As far as day-to-day activities are concerned, it can be taken as reality.

Only in the ultimate sense, from the peak of your illumination, does it become unreal,

illusory.

Osho The Great Zen Master Ta Hui Chapter 12

seek me!

seek me...

under thousand layered of suffering

behind eleven doors of questions
seek me..

stacked beside hundreds of sins

and millions prayers in between
seek me..

not somewhere behind

but somewhere beyond..

present and the time after...
one step ahead from tomorrow

standing tall upon the graveyard of yesterday
seek me...

behind all the shade of joy

and under every cups of quotes of wisdom prayers.
seek me...

between heaven and happiness

between grieve and hell

between contentness and solitude
seek me...

somewhere inside and somewhere outside..
seek me ..

and you shall find me!

with the rest of everybody

starring at the same two moon of doubt

under the same one whole magenta sky

with a million sparkling smile..

seek me..

and you'll find me

lying beside you

covered with eternity

why oh why

indiana jones always says : "snakes?? why does it have to be snakes..?"
and sometimes the answer is: "just because..."
as simple as that...

"death, why its have to be death?..."
"problems?, why we have to confront problems?"
"life? why life have to be this difficult?"

and finally..

"love, why the answer is always have to be love??"

and again the answer is: "just because..."
and without "because.."there is no such thing as "why"
sometimes... all we need is a simple "why" and a simple "because"

as simpe is that...

love what you do !

Whatsoever you do, if you do it joyfully, if you do it lovingly, if your act of doing is not purely economical, then it is creative. If you have something growing out of it within you, if it gives you growth, it is spiritual, it is creative, it is divine. You become more divine as you become more creative. All the religions of the world have said God is the creator. I don't know whether he is the creator or not, but one thing I know: the more creative you become, the more godly you become. When your creativity comes to a climax, when your whole life becomes creative, you live in God. So he must be the creator because people who have been creative have been closest to him. Love what you do. Be meditative while you are doing it - whatsoever it is!

Osho A Sudden Clash of Thunder Chapter 4

i choose love instead

" i hate u..."
kata2 ini tanpa sengaja keluar dari tuts jari2ku yang telah nyaris lelap
diantara parau malam yang meredup, disela-sela ratusan serdadu emosi yang nyaris tumpah.

benci,..
"apa iya ya?..., kenapa ketika mengucapnya diantara raga kok yang terasa malah nelangsa ya?"
seperti aliran gleiser yang meng-erosi pada pintu hati
menutup rapat sela2 nafas
dan mengunci celah2 cahaya
"apa iya ya? "

benci..
aku mulai ragu apakah itu kata2 yang tepat untuk dimuntahkan pada malam itu.
karena ketika aliran ini menggenangi dadaku, perlahan ribuan binatang melipiri dibelakangnya.

hampir semua rasa yang telah aku tinggalkan jauh didasar bukit, kembali menggerayangi.
entah kenapa dalam hitungan detik aku merasa sesak, padat dan pengap.
sajadah-sajadah yang telah susah payah aku biarkan kosong telah kembali merapat.
penuh dengan makhluk2 nista yang berebut untuk mengisinya dengan prasangka2.

malam itu walaupun hanya semalam, aku berkenalan dengan dia.
hai benci...
sudah lama kita tidak bercengkrama ( thank GOD juga seh..)...

akhirnya aku sadar...
ternyata benci memang pilihan rasa yang paling tepat, pada malam itu.

karena keesokan harinya aku memilih untuk tidak akan mengganggunya lagi.

i choose love instead.....
i love u, can't help it,...so i'm embracing it, and loving in my own freaky way...
thank you