taking chance on happiness

Yet, everybody in this face of the earth is seek for it,
trying to achieve it in any possible way, even put a fight upon it
And sometimes they take someone elses lives just on its behalf
They lie upon it, crying upon it and not few people actually die
On the name of it...
But..
Not so many people really taking chance on it.
Some just put this grandure idea of it in a tiny box and
Locked it safe, its so safe that some just lost it inside him self
And yet... How ironic it is,
Some people die upon it, and some just gave it away, lost it and
Never even wanted to taking a chance on it.

Pasangan Jiwa

ketika ia merasuk reguh kedalam tempayan madu berisi candu
lalu terhuyung lemas aku menari diatas bantalan2 mimpi
mabuk bak lalat yang sedang berpesta diatas gundukan sumpah serapah
ketika ia menangis ditepian sungai yang meranggas
meneteskan darah dibalik cadar putih
dalam genggaman ribuan janji-janji palsu
ah.. aku sudah tau
aku sudah tau..
aku sudah tau..
semua itu semu, fatamorgana, bayangan tanpa cahaya
bulan tanpa matahari, gaung tanpa suara..
lalu aku dibuatnya lemas tak berdaya
....
aku sudah tau ..
dengan segala pantulan cahaya disisi kananya
memancar wacana tanpa sebab, tanpa akibat, tanpa alasan pasti..
hanya sebongkah sekelibat masa ketika
pada saat kami "pernah" masih jadi satu...
ketika matahari terbenam di timur dan waktu adalah perdu-perdu berdaun tajam dipinggiran masa yang layu
aku sudah tau...
aku sudah tau...
ah...
aku sudah tau....

belum selesai...01

terus membaca...
diatas kertas2 kepercayaan yang berserakan diatas meja-meja mimpi
meskipun tertatih dan meringis
dengan air mata yang bercecer diantara serpihan2 harapan
meninggalkan puing-puing gema masa lalu yang telah penuh dengan debu-debu

i dont wanna wait in vain anymore...

From the very first time I rest my eyes on you,boy
My heart said follow through but I know now
That Im way down on your line
But the waiting feelings fine

So dont treat me like a puppet on a string
Because I know how to do my thing
Dont talk to me as if you think Im dumb
I wanna know when youre gotta come,you see

*i dont wanna wait in a vain for your love
I dont wanna wait in a vain for your love
I dont wanna wait in a vain for your love
cause sommer is here
And Im still waiting there
Winter is here
Im still waiting there

Like I said
Its been three years since Im knocking on your door
And still I can knock some more
Ooh boy,ooh boy,is it crazy look,i wanna know now
For I to knock some more,you see

In life I know
That there is lots of grief
But your love is my relief
Tears in my eyes burn
Tears in my eyes burn
While Im waitin
While Im waitin for my turn,you see

(*repeat)

Like I said-
I dont wanna,i dont wanna
I dont wanna,i dont wanna
I dont wanna wait in vain
I dont wanna,i dont wanna
I dont wanna,i dont wanna
I dont wanna wait in vain

Its been three years since Im knocking on your door
And still I can knock some more
Ooh boy,ooh boy,is it crazy look,i wanna know now
Like I said,the tears in my eyes burn
Tears in my eyes burn
While Im waiting
While Im waiting for my turn,you see
Ooh boy,ooh boy,is it crazy look,i wanna know now
For I to knock some more
In life I know there is lots of grief
But your love is my relief

asli..

saat ini dan sekarang
bisu dan bergelombang
surut tanpa rembulan
menangis diatas ratusan kuburan kenisbian
berpayung kehampaan
meratap seru tergaruk keputus asaan..

aku sedang tenggelam
dalam titik terendah kekosongan

asli..
rasanya dingin dan sendiri
dinding2 mulai berlumut dan hawa mulai berat dan kusut..

asli..
rasanya benar2 asli..
seperti manusia...

asli ..
akhirnya aku berasa 'hidup'

G.02 - Au Voir

Exhausted in dappled corner

Suffocated in each faded image of you

Shifting between pages in vagueness

And wondered around between realities and decapitate mind

Are you still there?

I can hear you running, between pale silent whispers

Vomited behind tall tree of gestures

I can smell you vanishing…

Evaporating between mists of lies…

Suppose your golden compass finally defined

Suppose reality have smack you back to the ground

Suppose.. She was waiting for you there

Behind curtain of faith and despair

In her soft wide wing of remorse

I suppose…

I'm running out of tears to leak

And running out of faith to convey

Wish I could spit it out of loud...

Come home when you are silent

Come home when you are resting

Come home when you just ...simply ...feel like it…

But I don’t think I will be here anymore

I’m through..

Au voir..

aku ingin

WHAT exactly that i want?


aku ingin segenggam bahagia dengan sejumput rempah-rempah kesendirian
dalam pundi-pundi semesta,yang berdentang
resah menyambut liukan penari bercadar kasih pada matanya..
tak bisakah ia kembai melihat?

aku ingin ia, kesturi yang kuhirup dari ujung sendiku yang meringkih tua
aku ingin ia, panas serdadu nafsu dengan panah2 keakuan berderak gemulai
aku ingn ia, juntai lemas air suci pembabtis para pendosa
aku ingin ia, mereka dan semua.

meratap senja
mengadu sunyi
menangis riuh

lalu melesap hilang diantara tanah yang berjelaga.

aku ingin hilang.
tanpa merasa, hanya bergerak menuju ia
dengan tatapan pada ujung lirik
dengan tangannya yang mengkilat dan sejuk, menunggu diujung sana
siap merengkuh tanganku yang telah kotor bermain dunia
tanpa makna, tanpa maksud, hanya menanti..
lalu perlahan aku merapatkan jariku pada kepalnya
dan ia merengkuhku dengan segenap jiwa yang tersingkap dari balik jubahnya
dengan senyum dan tawa
lalu kami berjalan bersama
meniti gurun kering yang bermandiakn oase syurga
sampai kau ihat diujung sana.?
titik kami akan menghilang dibalik fatamorgana.

G.01

kau dengar itu?
geliatan takdir berdengung menggema
hanya kali ini bukan gaung yang terngiang
berdiri diantaranya satu wajah nyawa bergelanyut, bergantung, bertapa
diantara hembusan rasa yang menyapu lembut penjuru dada
memenuhi setiap are yang tersisa..
bahkan ketika kosong pun yang terbersit hawa nafasnya..
sial ..
ia berhasil menyublim sejumput amarah dengan ratusan mimpi indah
menjadi sejuntai benang merah menganga...
berusaha mengikat kelingkingku dengan segenggam luka lama
lagi-lagi aku sial..

akhirnya
setelah sekian lama
aku jatuh juga..
dengan kepak sayap rapuh
pada saat aku berfikir untuk berlabuh..
ia hanyut terbawa perahu yang meratap jauh...

sial..

no more

i will give up waiting
no more waiting
no more waiting
no more waiting

its time to moving on
evolving
transcending

no more you
fake promises
lies and more lies

no more
no more
no more

everything you do

I love the way you smile
When I look in your eyes
I love the way you laugh
When I try to be funny
And how a tear rolls down your face
When I say no one could
ever take your place.

And baby when you sleep
I watch you breathing
And baby when you dream
I dream with you
Cause everywhere you are is where
I wanna be
It's true everything you do
Makes me know how much I love you.

The way you touch my lips
Right after every kiss
And softly whisper
That I'm your everything
The way you pray

Our love won't die
Every night just before you
Close your eyes.

And baby when you sleep
I watch you breathing
Baby when you dream
I dream with you
Cause everywhere you are is where
I wanna be
It's true everything you do
Makes me know how much I love you.

And I believe some things are
meant to be
As sure as there is love
yours is meant for me.

Baby when you sleep
I watch you breathing
Baby when you dream
I dream with you
Cause everywhere you are is where
I wanna be
It's true everything you do
Makes me know how much
I love you..

( christian bautista )

resolution

i dont know what to do
i dont know what i want

what do i want?

i want to live
im craving for freedom
ive been indulge by sorrow too long

i want love
no,..thats a lie
im surrounded by million

i want money
only to survive

i want happiness
undefined..

i want enjoying life
only to forget

i want orgasm
ambiguity and guilt in result
not worthed..

i want bed
even bed rejected me
attachment only conceive despair

i want nothing
bollocks..

i want freedom
imprison by my self to bind

i want the truth
it will hurts, not ready, never ready..

i want trust
in hand full of lie

i want anything but my self
egoistic!!

bollocks! see? i really really dont know what i want